My Prime Human
My auxiliary human
Some cream in that coffee, bucko?
I'm not napping!
I'm composing my blog.
Seriously, Go away! I'm trying to think!
Hi! I'm Moo-the Cat. Why am I named Moo? Two reasons: The biggest reason is: Cats don't get
to name themselves!!!! If we got to name ourselves, we'd go all "Old Testament" on you and
proclaim:
"I am the Lord thy Cat! Thou shalt have no other cats before me!"

But we don't get to name ourselves. Our humans do. And they are idiots!!! Look to your
immediate top left. That's my prime human. She named me. Look below her. That is my
auxiliary human. He likes to give me nicknames. Do these two look clever to you? Of course
not. (The pathetic thing is they are both writers. Yeah right -- or write! Whatever! I'm bad with
homonyms).
(Click to enlarge images).

And I will now prove they are idiots by getting back to the story of my name. Why did my
prime human name me Moo? Because I'm black and white -- sort of like a cow.

I REMIND HER OF A FREAKING COW!

Do you have any idea how insulting that is to a cat? Can a cow leap six feet straight up from the
floor onto a shelf full of wine glasses -- in full view of the horrified humans -- land on the shelf,
then spin around and not even rattle a glass (but almost cause a heart attack or two)?

NO! A COW CANNOT DO THAT! Neither can a dog, by the way. (And don't get me started on
dogs! I hate dogs! Noisy, slobbering poop machines). But I've done that jump onto the wine-
glass shelf. I also jump up on coffee makers just to make my humans' mornings more surreal.

(See photo to left).

The worst thing about my name is that if you Google the phrase "Moo-the-Cat," it is not even a
particularly original name. Seems that lots of humans blessed with a black-and-white cat, went
with a Holstein handle. And by the way, we black-and-whites prefer the more elegant
appellation of "Tuxedo Cats."

But it doesn't stop there! I have oodles of other cutsie names. I am also,
Moochael Jordan,
Moogellan, Moudini, Moosama bin Laden, Moosophat
and many other names that are sooooo
cute
and soooo precious you could actually catch diabetes and die if I told you the stories
behind each of them.

My humans clearly have too much time on their hands. But not me! I'm a busy, busy cat with
lot's of busy, busy cat things to do. For instance, writing this has already put me behind on my
nap schedule and that's going to throw me waaaay behind on my "bug-humans-for-food" and
"make-humans-worship-me" schedules.

It just never stops when you're a cat. But let me leave you with a few quotes:

  • "A home without a cat -- and a well-fed, well-petted and properly revered cat -- may be
    a perfect home, perhaps, but how can it prove title." Mark Twain, Pudd'nhead Wilson.

  • "Of all God's creatures, there is only one that cannot be made the slave of the lash. That
    one is the cat. If a man could be crossed with the cat, it would improve the man, but it
    would deteriorate the cat." Mark Twain, notebook, 1894.

  • "Why couldn't I have been Mark Twain's cat?" Moo.
I LOVE MY CATNIP TOYS!
I'm Moo: "And I'm a Feline, Not a Holstein!"